Two months ago I started weaning myself off citalopram, an antidepressant I had been taking (in a large dose, along with another pill for another disorder which I’ll talk about at a different time) since 2010.
It has now been two weeks since I took the last dose, and despite suffering from a few physical side effects – dizzy spells, dodgy stomach, headaches, tiredness – I’ve soldiered and on my mental health has been strong. I’ve also never felt so in control of what goes on inside my head.
This time last year I never would have imagined that I could live a life citalopram free…but here I am – happy, content and excited to wake up in the morning.
Since I met Sebastian and moved to Sweden, depression hasn’t reared its ugly head once. Anxiety can creep in when I feel unsure about my appearance and my abilities, but the depression is long gone. I have my other half to thank for providing me with the opportunity to love and grow and truly live. I also have Scandinavian nature to thank for my healing – it’s the best therapist I’ve ever had.
I feel extremely proud of myself, and want to pass on the message that it’s possible to shed your shroud of depression and move away from the pills that have ‘held you up.’ There can be a life where you don’t need the crutch that medication provides. Find out what drives your happiness and follow it, follow it, follow it. You’ll find all of the support you need there.
Depression is something which came creeping into my life when I was fourteen years old. It had been with me for more than fifteen years when I decided to come off the citalopram. I wish my sad, ill and lonely fourteen year old self could have seen where she would end up. How strong she would be and how happy. I think the knowledge would have comforted her. I think she would have smiled.